Miss E. Friend or Foe???

So I started running again. Haven’t run in?? Well, it would have been first or second year of University I think… so lets say at least 6 years… plus I had a baby in there. I’m trying really hard to lose weight and now E (friend of mine… or foe??) has me convinced I can actually run the ½ marathon. So I’m ‘training’ and I joined Jenny Craig awhile ago, but only just started taking it really seriously. Any diet works if you stick to it. This much I know. They also stop working when you stop following them. This too I know. But as much as it would be nice to have my large, yet tight athletic body back… what I really want is to be healthy enough to be around for Avery. When she’s 30 I don’t want to be a 65 year old burden on her.

So I get healthy.

The fact that the positive side effects are endless is a definite plus… but the fact that it’s so hard to lose and maintain is where the negative lies. Although the exercise I can do. Especially when I have access to a gym at work. I really think in the end, that’s what is going to save my life. That’s what it’s doing right? Prolonging a fit and healthy life, not wasting away a fat sick one? 

I want to say P is supportive. He’s not unsupportive but he really doesn’t notice anything. Since I’ve been doing the jc food for awhile now and not really lost anything substantial, I can’t really expect him to notice. That’s my own fault. But this past Saturday I was down 3.5lbs so I think I am finally going to be able to stick for awhile. Plus the motivations I now have, Jamaica on the 19^th for a week, a 10K run on May 14 and the half in June… well those are giving me great incentive to not just exercise but to try and drop some of this grossly excessive weight I am carrying around on this frame. No wonder my hip hurts. I’m carrying an extra 59 (well, 55.5 now) pounds that can’t be good for my joints. So it will be the best downward spiral of my life. Exercise, eat less… burn more calories from exercise, lose more weight from eating less and burning more and on and on.

So someone here told me to stop focusing on the BIG number and tell myself I have 5 pounds to lose. Just 5. That’s where I am at right now. I have 1.5 to lose to get down to that 5. That is manageable right? 55.5 is daunting and overwhelming… but 1.5… ha… I can do that no problem… lets see how her theory works. 

I also don’t want to just lose a bunch of weight and be a smaller version of my flabby self. I want to be fit again. I want to be able to play a shift on the ice and know I’ve skated hard and played well. Haven’t felt that in a long time. I want to get good at my new interest which is soccer which goes hand in hand with the running. And I want to get back into some form of yoga… even if its just once a week. Here comes the selfish superficial me… I want people to be envious of how good I look. Of my muscles and my toned arms and my ability to play a bunch of sports. And say things like “you’re 38??

NO WAY

!”  I guess we’ll see.